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I See You

My love letter to all the amazing women in this community.

Being a Mom is awesome! Well, most days… There are definitely times where I feel as though I’d like to run away forever, or at the very least take a vacation . There are times when I wish that there was someone (I like to think of her as my fairy godmother) to take care of me. In the midst of all that is motherhood, (meal planning, sleep schedules, fact finding about the next milestone, trying to make a little money, being a loving and supportive wife to my husband, cleaning the house, volunteering, and trying to take care of myself) I feel really lost sometimes. Who have I become? Where is the idealistic girl who believed the best in everyone and had huge ambitions about how to make the world a better place?

I realize that I’m not a girl anymore. I’m a woman and a mother. This limits me in certain ways. I can’t join the Peace Corps and travel the world without my kids. I don’t have the time or the financial ability to devote to a full-time career right now. I miss the freedom to choose the course of my life without considering my huge responsibilities as a mother, but I also feel guilty for thinking of my children as huge responsibilities. What I’m hoping is that my current situation is teaching and preparing me for the next phase of my life. I try to remember Ralph Waldo Emerson’s words, “Life is a journey, not a destination.”

There will be a time when I won’t be a mother to young kids anymore. My youngest has started walking independently, and with each step I’m both so proud and so aware that time is passing. My oldest starts kindergarten in the fall and I remember all the words that he used to mispronounce (“ambliance” for “ambulance” was a favorite) that he has since self-corrected. I realize the snuggles that fill my cup when I’m depleted will be replaced with other things as my kids get older. The wonder of accomplishing a goal for the first time will lessen as my kids develop new skills. I’ll be a mother of school-age children, with more time to accomplish some of those idealistic dreams that still inspire me when I think of them.

The reason that I’m writing this is because if you’re a part of the FIT4MOM community, I’m always cheering you on as a mother. Your strength, bravery, compassion, and patience are commendable and I draw from you to be a better version of myself.

I also want you to know that I see you. I really see you. I know that you are more than a mother. I know that you have careers and are students. I know that you are athletes and artists. I know that you are dreamers and activists. I know that you have important relationships with people other than your children and that you have to work at those relationships. I know how you negotiate your time daily to be a complete person. I know that YOU are amazing!

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In the craziness that is motherhood and business ownership -- and all those other parts of life as I know it -- sometimes I like to sit back, quiet my mind, and just remember what brought me to this crazy beautiful happy place. I remember when I tried my first class and made my first neighborhood mom friends. When I first met the mom down the street who would later become my business partner. I remember the moms who came, who saw, who conquered; those who have been with me since the start and those who have moved away. All that remembering leads me right back to today. I thought I'd share some of these moments through pictures and a little story-telling.

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